How to get away from shaking hands at work and other occasions

1.       As they come towards you, bend down and tie your shoes while saying hi to them (make sure to untie both laces!)

2.       When danger is imminent, remove your cell phone and run of quickly nodding your head at them, acting like you are calling your buddy or wife (Note: the other hand needs to be in your pocket, or doing something “important.”)

3.       Wave your hands from far away as you walk away in fast pace, acting like something critical needs to be done.

4.       At the food table, get your hands busy and sticky with food, then apologize for not being able to shake hands (since you really wanted to shake hands with them.)

5.       When you are getting introduced step back and keep staring at your introducer(i.e. avoiding eye contact), until the “shaking-hands” moment goes away.

6.       Spread rumors that you have invisible contagious skin disease (unfortunately this is haram.)

7.       Yell and say “I don’t want to shake your hands” (not recommended.)

8.       Take a bathroom break once you realize that a new opposite sex individual is arriving from the eye sight.

9.       Stick hands deeply & hard in your pockets for at least 5 seconds. Then nod your head as to say hello & hope that they’ll get the point.

10.   Put hand on chest & nod your head. Realize that your hands have to be on your chest right away. Otherwise, if you wait then stick your hands out, they’ll think you want to shake hands.

11.   If you get caught by surprise, sneeze very hard on your hands then apologize as you make your way to the sink.

12.   If it is too late and their hands are right in front of your face, make a joke and say “in my culture, we put hands on chest” (make sure to laught). If you look American, then you’re  screwed.

Interesting Characters Seen During Prayer

Asslamo alykom, this is a short compilation of some of the funny personalities or characters that are seen during the prayer. This is not meant to make fun of the people who pray, but only to take a glance at the faults that we fall in during prayer, and to help correct them. They are not written in any specific order, enjoy.

1.       Yawner: This one is one of the most common characters we see during the prayer. It usually starts once the Imam says “Allahu Akbar.” Extreme cases will yawn at least once every rakah, and will get contagious very quickly. 

2.       Foot-A-Phobic: This character is fairly common. They tend to have a phobia of feet. When you place your foot next to them as the prophet PBUH ordered, they remove their foot away. The more you keep going the more they move. Becarful or Soon after, you will end up doing the splits.

3.       Mr. Itchy: Itchy is described as a scratcher who starts off upon the beginning of the prayer. Extreme cases will have jerky movements. Itchy may also be a yawner (see yawner.)

4.       Tricky: you will not notice this one right away, hence the name tricky. This character will be looking around during his prayer. You will think he is looking at you, and you’ll almost say “Asslamo alykom”, Then suddenly he makes ruku as you move away wondering.

5.       Impatient: Impatient has the tendency to want to go into the next step of the prayer before the Imam gives the cue. You will usually see them starting to go down into sujood before the imam goes, and if the imam takes longer than usual, they will hang in the air (between stand position and sujood.) 

6.       Sleeping Beauty: As the name implies, the sleeping beauty sleeps during prayer. This character is not seen much, but sadly it does happen. This one will catch you off guard when you see a body next to you (through peripheral vision) leaning forward as if falling. Sleeping beauty usually catch themselves before the fall. I am assuming a very rare number of them actually complete the fall.

7.       Marathoner: This character starts and finishes two rakahs in less than 45 seconds. The sign of a marathoner is the similarity of doing sujood like a chicken pecking for food (symbolized by the prophet PBUH)

8.       Funky: This character is described by a very funky smell, usually coming from socks and feet. The age group for funky usually stands between 8-20. 

9.       Vocal: During the silent prayer (ex. Last two rakah of Ishaa), vocal will let you know exactly what he is reciting and what Duaas he is saying. This is also relatively common, and some are very disturbing.

10.   Sheesh-Kabab: The smell of kabab or other middleeastern foods will take off from this person’s Jilbab. Apparently this character was exposed to the heavy aroma at their home before coming to the masjid.

Moral of the story: We are not perfect, but try your best to concentrate on the prayer, and don’t bother other Musaleen so that you both can get the full reward of prayer. The END

The Promise: Story of the salve of Allah

                I was sent to my mother’s womb after establishing the covenant with Allah. I and all of my brothers and sisters from Adam, born and not born have all promised that we will not worship anyone but Allah. I have made a promise to Allah that I would follow the guidance and truth and keep my promise until I meet him again. I had no doubt that I would remain firm, steadfast, and strong on my word. I never thought of the tribulations waiting a head of me.

                Allah’s mercy embraced me in my first womb, my mother’s womb, my first grave. I was helpless to myself then, and was helpless when I was introduced to the world. I crawled, walked, and talked until I became sound and wise. By then the promise was long forgotten, but Allah who is merciful towards me reminded me of the promise. He showed me guidance, and didn’t abandon me in this world. I happily accepted it knowing for certain that this is the truth from the one who sent me here. How is it that I was placed here, and everything is provided for me? I didn’t make my eye, ears, nose, hands, my organs, and all of the countless blessing that I am even unaware of. I have to accept the guidance; otherwise I can only blame myself for any consequences. I thought that I would continue perfectly in this world and worship Allah with no partners. But I was regretfully unsuccessful in giving this matter its due respect.

                As I am living in the world, I would sometimes take a glance at my mother, and contemplate on the womb that I came out of. It would remind me of another day where I will come out of my second womb and stare at it, the womb of the grave. But even with this reminder, the slave of Allah sinned, disobeyed, and sinned some more. I moved slowly from a guided slave into a major sinner who disrespects the laws of Allah. I would even sometimes make minor shirk, yet I would remember and ask for forgiveness. Allah many times sent me reminders through his righteous slaves, and the Quran. Some of them were successful, and others failed to bring me back due to my sinful heart. Allah also gave me wealth, a partner, children, and saved me from many illnesses. Yet again I was a forgetful slave, and I never ever imagined that my second womb was a short time away.

                My soul that was so innocent in my first womb was separated from my body.  I watched and listened as my family took me away. I saw the grave waiting for me, with its darkness and tightness. The body that I once treasured, admired, and used both to sin and do good is no more. How I wish that I can place my head on the ground to the creator, but I can’t anymore. My head will not move, I tried and tried, and I wished to tell everyone to not place me in the grave so that I can try to perform acts of worship. It was to my misery that I was in a perfect condition, able to make extra prayers to my creator, but the world was too attractive and time rapidly passed. To my misery, it was too late, as I heard their footsteps go away, and there I was, in a womb completely at the mercy of Allah, again.

                It was so dark, and I was so lonely. My partner who I loved has left me. The children who I adored are occupied in the world by their own affairs. My wealth cannot avail me, nor can it remove my sins. Then, before any other thought could instill me, two callers called my name. I was terrified and could not speak when I was asked some questions that I only heard about from the stories of hadeeth. “Who is you Lord?” they asked as I stood there not able to speak a word. I know my Lord is Allah, I thought to myself. I have worshipped him and claimed to love him, which I do, but does he love me? All of a sudden peacefulness instilled me, and I started to spell out the name Allah to the angels. My lord has not forsaken me yet, I thought. Allah has mitigated the way for me. “What was your religion? And who is this man you used to follow (your prophet)?” I was asked, while again not able to establish the thought in my head. I looked and did not know what to do, or say. But all of a sudden peacefulness again instilled me, and I started to spell out the name of the prophet Mohamed, and the word of Islam. Next, a frightening spot appeared before me, a spot from hell. They told me that this was my place in the hell fire had I been a disbeliever, and then they showed me my place in Jannah. Happiness struck my heart, and I could not wait to enter my place in Jannah. Sadly, I remembered all of my sins and the disobedience made against Allah, and I knew that a tough judgment is waiting for me.

                Suddenly I heard unusual sounds from above. It sounded like heavy rain thudding against the ground and the earth shook with a mighty shake. What is happening, I thought to myself, and before my thought cleared, strong light rays pierced through the top. To my shock I was looking at my arm, exactly as they were prior to the removal of my soul. Then, a strange force pushed me up the ground, like a seed establishing itself after it has found water. As these amazing events are occurring, I looked at my grave that bore me for an unknown time, and I thought to myself that this was the promise from Allah, the resurrection. And as soon as I started to look around me, I could not believe my eyes.

                This is not the same world I have lived in, I thought. The sun was so close, and people were running around in terror as if they were drunk. Yet, some people had light irradiating from them and they looked very calm. I am not running like a drunk but I am a bit scared, I thought to myself. As I looked around and saw the numerous and amazing incidents, I started to be carried away toward Allah, toward my judgment. This it, I thought to myself while remembering the promise that I established with Allah; The promise that I will not worship anyone but him. The years of worship, playing, sinning will all be compiled in front of me. When I remembered these sins, fear struck my heart again. But suddenly a thought came to my head, “As for those who fear their Lord unseen, for them is Forgiveness and a great Reward.” To my amazement, this was Allah’s word that was taught to me by his grace in the world. As soon as the verse ended, fear was replaced by hope and the longing to meet Allah. Praise be to Allah who guided me to Islam, I thought in my heart as I was being lead; Knowing that the mercy of Allah today will be more than anything before, and will encompass everything.

Quran-Almumenoon-23:12-23:16

And certainly We created man of an extract of clay, Then We made him a small seed in a firm resting-place, Then We made the seed a clot, then We made the clot a lump of flesh, then We made (in) the lump of flesh bones, then We clothed the bones with flesh, then We caused it to grow into another creation, so blessed be Allah, the best of the creators. Then after that you will most surely die. Then surely on the day of resurrection you shall be raised.